I have wiped my Dad's name out of existence and him as well or so it feels to me.
I went to the tag office and transferred the title of the car from my Dad's name to mine - at the cost of 608.38, but on the upside I will only have to pay twenty dollars a year for my tag for now on - then I went to the bank and took his name of the account.
I know these are all necessary things, but I feel as if I am losing him all over again. With going with the new plan on Vehicle taxes I received the new Ga tag - again something under my father's name changed. I have kept the old tag - I took the stamp off - and it now sits in my room.
It probably seems silly to most that I would hold on to something like a tag, but to me it's just another sign that my father is truly gone.
In a way it feels as if his passing as been longer than it actually has been. In reality he has only been gone a little over a month - the fourth of August will be two.
I try to remember what Dad wanted and I have done the best I can, but on days like today where I have to remove another thing that showed he lived...Well, it's hard not to ball up in a ball and cry. So, I will just cry and try to remember that even though his physical presence is no longer here, his memory is and it always will be with me.
I went through this process once before many years ago with my mother. I was much younger than and I thought I had lost everything the day she passed away, but I found out that I always had my father and I am grateful for the years he was always there. There is a huge whole where my heart use to be - it may take another thirty years again for me to accept his passing as it did with my mother.
I will try and remember as well that my parents are once again together - in some way.
I miss them both so very much.
April
